Allergies
by Flipping Seltzer
Summary: Simon and Kaylee are finally heading in the right direction... until Inara gets in the way. In honor of flu and allergy season.
1. Chapter 1

Simon has a problem with Kaylee's new perfume.

**Chapter 1: Smell**

Disclaimer: The Firefly Universe belongs to Josh and Fox. As do Kaylee and the gang.

Smells and Allergies

Kaylee loved boys. All boys. In any shape or size. They were just shiny. Sometimes the mechanic wished she were a companion, like Inara, just so's she could meet so many nice men. Men like Simon.

Of all the boys on all the planets she had been on Simon was her favorite. He was so nice and neat. And he smelled really nice. Kaylee noticed when he was patching her up, that time when she got shot by the Fed. The other men on the ship didn't smell nearly as nice. Jayne always stunk of sweat and gun oil. The Captain and Wash weren't that bad but… Simon was just different. Not just soap but also that antiseptic cherry smell of his supplies and something else she couldn't quite figure.

Sometimes when they sat together real close, like on that couch in the common, Kaylee would sneak a sniff. The girl didn't do it openly, just sort of breathed deep when he was jabbering on. Simon liked to talk so she got lots of smellin' time.

She didn't know what she smelled like.

Probably like grease. Which she hoped wasn't too unappealing. When she had time she'd shower before she went to go see Simon and spray that shiny perfume Inara gave her. But the doctor never said anything about her smelling pretty so maybe he didn't notice.

Kaylee was sitting entirely too close again.

Simon shifted uncomfortably and tried to turn his head so he would not get a noseful of her perfume. The mechanic always put too much on and it reminded the doctor of his grandmother.

And, well, it just didn't smell right on her. He liked the way she normally smelled: of grease, her metallic tools, and the tangy citrus of her fermentation system. On days she didn't spray the perfume he would lean toward her, taking in that distinctly Kaylee smell. On Osiris none of the girls smelled like Kaylee. They were always scented and clean, smelling of flowers and mint.

Simon was allergic to flowers.

It hadn't been a problem until his teenage years, when girls wanted bouquets and corsages. Then everyone began to smell of the wretched blossoms. Simon didn't have many dates.

A reprieve from flowers had been one of the best things about hanging out with her on the ship. Because Kaylee didn't smell like anything he was allergic to, she smelled like Serenity. But now… Simon dodged a gust of the stuff.

He was going to kill Inara.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Sneeze**

He wouldn't sneeze. He wouldn't.

Kaylee leaned in, showing him the way to reset his com link. Her hair fell from its ponytail and a strand brushed his cheek. He should pull away and get a fresh breath but her hair was especially soft today. The doctor bet that her skin was even softer.

Simon was going to sneeze—he could feel it. And then she would know he was allergic to her. Or rather, her perfume. Kaylee would be mortified and not come near him for weeks. That couldn't happen. He was so close to gathering his courage and asking her out. This would set him back for months.

Quickly he reached up and pinched his nose. The mechanic turned her head to glance at him and was suddenly very close. It was now or never. He dropped his hand and leaned in. She leaned in encouragingly and smiled.

Steady. Almost there.

Sneeze.

Kaylee jumped back, wiping her face and sputtering. "Oh god! Kaylee, I'm so sorry… I didn't… do you need a handkerchief—I'm sure I have one somewhere…" He trailed off and moved toward his dresser.

But Kaylee just smiled and stopped toward him. "It's okay Simon. Everyone sneezes." She reached out and took his hand. "If you want, you can try again."

And didn't her lips just look wonderful. All puffy and pink. The doctor leaned in again and… sneezed.

This time Kaylee dodged. "Geez Simon, are you sick or… oh my god! Are you – I, You're allergic to me!" Her face became horrified and splotchy. She was going to cry. Simon hated it when she cried.

"Not you Kaylee, just your perfume!" This didn't seem to make her feel better and she let out a muffled wail then bolted out the door. "I could take some antihistamines!"

He tried to follow her out but was stopped by one large, meaty hand. A hand that was connected to a large muscled forearm. That belonged to Jayne. Shit.

Simon knew the mercenary had a soft spot for the mechanic, in fact he thought the man was rather endeared. But as Kaylee very obviously wasn't interested the man resorted to simply being overprotected. Sometimes violently so. He had seen the man punch out a boy who had accidentally grazed her ass. Simon had made her run crying from his room. Jayne was going to break his legs. And possibly his arms too.

"Doc." He raised an eyebrow.

"Jayne." Simon tried to move back but the hand fisted, grabbing the material of his shirt.

"I can't help but notice that our Kaylee seems mighty upset. All snotty and weepy."

"Yes. I think that's rather obvious."

"I suppose you're the reason behind her carrying on."

"I think that—" the bigger man shook him a little. "Wait, wait. You don't understand. I didn't do anything!"

"Me n' the Capt'n might disagree with you there, doc."

Oh god, Captain Renyolds. If he found out about this it was out the air lock for Simon Tam. "I just sneezed on her. Honesty, that's all. She just overreacted." Jayne glowered and flexed his free hand. " I mean—I mean it was all my fault. I'll never sneeze again!"

"You telling the truth Doc?"

"Yes, yes. I just sneezed. I…I'm allergic to her."

At that statement the mercenary dropped him back to his feet. "Ha! You saying she makes you sneeze and shit. Damn boy, that's the funniest thing I've heard all week! Getting' drippy cause of your own tail."

"Well I'm glad someone finds this situation funny. And I'll have you know I'm not allergic to _her_! It's simply her perfume that causes my sinus' to act up." He straightened his short where the man had twisted the fabric. "And Kaylee is not _my tail_. Whatever that means."

Jayne leered, "it means that she's your—"

Simon raised his hand to cut him off. "Never mind. I figured it out."

The big man pulled a knife from his belt and began to clean under his finger nails. "So how you plannin' to get her to forgive you."

"Forgive me?"

"Christ Doc! All's I got is whores and even I know you gotta give her little somethin'! Else you ain't ever gonna get her in your room again."

We weren't—she was showing me how to fix my com." Simon flushed.

Jayne smiled that dirty smile every other man but Simon seemed to master. "Sure she was Doc. And Allise just shows her how to sew buttons."


End file.
